Star Wars: The Clone Wars [aka Lucas's attempt to be Pixar]

Ok, so I am a die-hard Star Wars fan. I've seen all of the movies several times (even Episode 1, which sucked comparatively to the others).

So I decided it was necessary for me to go see Lucas' newest creation, "The Clone Wars".
Now, going into this, I knew that the movie was rated PG and meant for a much younger audience than episodes 5 and 6 of the real saga were. I was expecting a lot of comic relief and such.

I NEVER expected this:












This is Ziro the Hutt. Jabba's uncle. Yes, I'm serious. It's bad enough that they brought in old Jabba's family, but Ziro is very special.

Zero is a transvestite hutt. he speaks with a southern accent and sounds like a southern belle. He wears purple feathers on his head. He's basically Ru Paul of hutts. There was an interview with one of the creators featured on MTV's Movies Blog: http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2008/08/12/is-ziro-the-hutt-the-first-gay-alien-in-star-wars-history/

Ok, but on to the rest of the movie:
It sucked. Absolutely bottom-of-the-barrel stuff. The ENTIRE MOVIE was just stupid little one-liner quips by Anakin (NOT PLAYED BY HAYDEN CHRISTIENSEN!!!!???!?!?!?!??!?!?!) and by his new padawan, Ahsoka.

Anakin's new voice actor doesn't sound anything like Hayden. They didn't even try. At least Obi-Wan's new voice actor sounds a little bit like Ewan McGregor.

Ahsoka was a whiny little girl who called Anakin "Sky-guy" throughout the whole movie. Why? Because that would annoy us more. That has to be it.

Even the droids were made to seem like idiotic little teenage boys squabbling over a Hustler magazine. One of my favorite parts of the entire movie is when the newest sith, named Ventress (We'll get to that in a second) pushed one of the regular droid soldiers over the edge of a cliff, and in his mechanical Steven-Hawking-style voice he yells "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY???" on the way down to the jagged rocks below. Freakin hilarious.

Ok, on to "Ventress". Ventress seems, from the story, to be a new sith pupil of Count Dookoo. Here's the problem with that. Does anyone remember what Yoda said back in episode 1? "Always two there are, no more, no less. A master, and an apprentice." This is how the sith are supposed to work. There is a single master, and a single apprentice. If Dookoo wanted to take an apprentice, he would have to kill the Emperor first. That's how it works. But, of course, they wanted someone else for Anakin and Obi-Wan to fight, so they just built in another sith. Pathetic.

My last gripe about the movie comes from the basic plot, which was "OMGNOES, Jabba's son is be captured! Jedi-men, go save him!!"

Seriously.

So the basic plot is that Jabba's son, who looks like a little slug with anime-eyes, was kidnapped by bounty hunters. Mace Windu and Yoda decide that in order to establish good relations, and therefore trade-routes, with the Hutts, they'll get the baby slug back. They, of course, send Obi-Wan and Anakin on the job.

A rescue mission for the son of one of the most well-known criminals in the galaxy. By Jedi. They couldn't have sent some clones? No. They sent two of their GENERALS in the war on this mission. There's no way they'd be that stupid.

Alright, it's time for me to go to class, but basically, the movie is worth seeing with friends so that you can laugh at it. That's all. Don't pay to see it in theatres, wait until you can get the DVD from netflix and then just watch it with a bunch of friends and laugh at the stupidity.

EDIT:

So I figured I'd add the rest of the story.

When myself and two of my new friends down here in Houston went to see this amazing film, we decided to park across the street from the theater since we couldn't find the entrance to the garage. We parked at a chinese-restaurant looking place and walked over to the theater.

Apparently we didn't notice the signs that said "We will tow your ass away, don't park here."

So, we get out of this terrible movie, laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it, and we don't see Brandi's car. Uh-oh. We walk over to where it was parked, and then we see the sign. Great. So I called the towing company, and of course they have her car. I had to call my other friend Amanda to come pick us up.

Brandi went to get her car the next day, and they charged her $207 to get it back. INSANE!!!

Ok I think that's officially the end of the story now.